Get Rid of Cradle Cap the Gentle, Natural Way

Cradle cap is a rash that can develop on a baby’s scalp, usually between the ages of one-three months of age. The name “cradle cap” comes from the fact that it happens to very young babies, hence “cradle.” But also “cap” because cradle cap can look like a thick and waxy, sometimes yellow layer that covers the skin of the scalp like a cap. Cradle cap is not dangerous and it is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It is easy to get rid of cradle cap in a gentle, natural way.

Like the adult version of cradle cap that we know as “dandruff,” cradle cap is caused by seborrheic dermatitis. And like dandruff, cradle cap is unattractive. It can be embarrassing to show off your baby when he or she has cradle cap. Especially when well-meaning friends and relatives tell you, “My baby never had that,” or offer unwanted advice on how to cure the condition.

The experts are divided on what causes cradle cap. Some doctors believe that it comes from overactive oil glands due to excess hormones the baby gets from the mother during pregnancy and nursing. Others believe that cradle cap may be the result of an overgrowth of yeast named Malassezia that likes to feed on the stuff called sebum that comes out of oil glands. Both theories have to do with oil glands and both make a lot of sense. Cradle cap can be found not just on the scalp, but anywhere on the body where there are many oil glands, including the face, chest, and back.

Cradle Cap Isn’t Itchy

Cradle cap should not be confused with eczema. Eczema is uncomfortable for baby, and itchy.  Cradle cap, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to bother baby at all. It just doesn’t look very pretty.

Baby gets a shampoo
Shampooing regularly with a gentle baby shampoo will help your baby maintain a healthy scalp.

You don’t really have to do anything about cradle cap. It usually goes away by itself, with regular shampooing with a gentle shampoo made just for baby. Expect it to take 2 weeks to 3 months for cradle cap  to disappear on its own. For some babies, the condition lasts for one year or for as long as up to four years. But such cases are uncommon.

Some moms prefer to be more proactive and do what they can to remove the “cap.” It’s not difficult to treat and it can feel really nice to restore your baby’s scalp to its normal condition and appearance.

Cradle Cap Treatment

Here’s what you need to do to get rid of cradle cap:

  1. Shampoo with baby shampoo and dry baby’s hair gently, with a soft towel
  2. Apply a few drops of baby oil or mineral oil to the baby’s scalp
  3. Gently massage the oil into the cap
  4. Wait 30-60 minutes to allow the oil to soften the cradle cap
  5. Comb the scales out of baby’s hair with a baby comb
  6. Keep tissues handy to wipe the scales off the comb as you go
  7. If the baby’s scalp begins to redden, stop, and repeat the treatment a day or two later

Note that olive oil should not be used to treat cradle cap. It is believed that olive oil can strip the skin’s natural moisture barrier. This can make things worse. If you prefer to use a natural oil, use coconut or almond oil to get rid of cradle cap. These are gentle oils that will add moisture to your baby’s thirsty skin.

Sometimes, cradle cap comes with reddened skin and more than just the scalp is involved. The child may seem ill or have a fever. In this case, it’s time to check with your baby’s doctor. A case of cradle cap that gets this complicated or hangs around for too long, needs to be checked out by a medical professional. In severe cases, doctors may prescribe antifungal shampoo, or anti-inflammatory plus anti-yeast cream or oil to help control the condition.

Cradle cap shouldn’t be oozing or bleeding, or causing lots of discomfort or itching. There should be no swelling. These may be signs of eczema or even infection. See your doctor. In the rare case of infection, baby may need some oral antibiotics to clear things up.

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Mister Rogers on Distracted Daycare: What He Would Say

Mister Rogers probably would have had plenty to say about distracted daycare.  We know that, because in 1983, a 30-minute special entitled “Mister Rogers Talks with Parents about Daycare,” was broadcast on U.S. national television. Hosted by none other than Fred Rogers of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood fame, the program advised parents on topics germane to the placement of children in daycare, including

1) managing separation anxiety,

2) transitioning from home life to the daycare environment, and

3) choosing a daycare that works best for parents and child.

Unfortunately, Mister Rogers’ daycare special was filmed prior to the advent of mobile internet technology. So, it did not broach the subject of distracted caregiving and its dangerous consequences for child wellbeing.

If the show were aired today, it would need to address the risks of entrusting the health and safety of children to daycare workers who regularly check their portable internet-enabled devices to the point of distraction.

In the present article I define the problem of distracted daycare, explain its ramifications for child welfare and imagine a similar contemporary television show, “Mister Rogers Talks with Parents about Distracted Daycare.” In this fictional show, Mister Rogers would offer advice to parents concerning how to protect their children against the threat posed by distracted daycare workers.

What Is Distracted Daycare?

‘Distracted daycare’ indicates those distracted caregiving behaviors displayed by workers in modern daycare businesses, behaviors that potentially endanger the health and safety of the same children these workers are paid to educate, care for and protect. It can also indicate a daycare business where distracted behaviors are rampant among the caregiving staff.

Distracted daycare and distracted parenting are manifestations of a more general phenomenon: distracted caregiving. So, let’s start by defining that term.

Distracted caregiving is a form of escapism. With the aid of a smartphone, tablet or other internet-enabled device, caregivers flee to social media sites in order to escape the daily grind of household chores and the banal duties of child rearing. The receipt of push-notices (or pings) immediately draws the caregiver’s attention away from the child’s needs and towards a virtual world of titillating adult experience.

Surge In Distracted Caregiving

The past ten years have witnessed a surge in distracted caregiving and studies documenting the phenomenon:

  • In a Boston Medical Center study,caregivers were observed interacting with children while dining at restaurants. Of 55 caregivers, 40 were distracted by their portable devices to such an extent that, according to the researchers, their “primary engagement was with the device rather than the child.”
  • Another study found that regular distraction undermines a caregiver’s ability to properly monitor children’s activities, provide educational instruction or prevent accidents that lead to physical injury.
  • A third study links unintended physical injury to children with poor caregiver supervision or caregivers with high-risk personality traits.

Maximizing Profit

In today’s predominantly private daycare ecosystem, the problem of distracted caregiving is magnified. In order to maximize profit, childcare businesses employ low-paid, contingent workers from the most “wired” generations. These daycare employees, often called “teachers” or “teacher’s assistants,” typically feel:

1) Resentful towards daycare owners and clients for their low wages;

2) Entitled to use internet-enabled devices during work hours even if there is a policy against it;

3) Blameless for any accidents that could have been prevented had they not been distracted; and

4) Convinced that they should protect and be protected by fellow daycare workers when accused of distracted caregiving, even if the coverup involves lying or other forms of deceit (what I call “distracted daycare workers’ omerta”).

How Does Distracted Caregiving Harm The Child?

Distracted caregiving in private daycares is a pressing child welfare issue. The harms children suffer as a result of distracted caregiving are very real. They can be divided into three categories: physical, cognitive and emotional.

Physical Injury

The most obvious harm children suffer as a result of distracted caregiving is physical injury. Between 2000 and 2007, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission compiled statistical data that support the claim that caregiver inattention causes physical harm to children:

1) Playground injuries involving children less than 5 years old spiked 17%

2) Nursery accidents went up 31%

3) Swimming pool injuries jumped 36%

However, in specific cases, it proves difficult to assign blame for these injuries. Distracted caregivers will typically minimize or deny the distraction, refusing to acknowledge that the child’s injury could have been prevented if but for the distracted behavior.

According to Wally Ghurabi, the director of the Nethercutt Emergency Center, “Folks are not going to admit the fact that—look I was doing this [e.g. texting or posting on social media], and that’s why … [the] kid fell off [the playground equipment] and broke his arm.”

Cognitive Damage

Distracted caregiving can also undermine children’s cognitive development, resulting in postponed speech acquisition, social-emotional delays and, in extreme cases, the onset of psychopathological disorders. 90% of brain development occurs in a child’s first three years of life. Neglecting to interact with the child during these formative years can cause lasting cognitive damage. Children can, as a result, develop an array of pathologies that survive into adulthood, including an aversion to healthy relationships, anti-social behavior, and several psychopathological disorders, such as oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorder.

Emotional Harm

A third harm distracted caregivers inflict upon children is emotional trauma. In the Boston Medical Center study of caregivers dining with children, researchers observed regularities in the caregivers’ distracted behavior and the child’s emotional reactions. When the child attempted to gain the caregiver’s attention, the most common caregiver reaction was to reject the child’s intervention and express irritation.

These negative and insensitive interactions between caregivers and children can produce deleterious long-term effects on a child’s emotional well-being. One study finds that a lack of attentive care in the first three years of a child’s life makes the child more prone to emotional disorders, especially depression, in their adolescent years. Distracted caregiving can effectively stunt a child’s capacity to develop healthy emotional relationships with others.

Despite the overwhelming evidence that distracted caregiving endangers children physically, cognitively and emotionally, distracted daycare is nevertheless an under-reported child welfare issue. Many childcare businesses seek to deny, obfuscate and cover up incidents involving harm to children in their care. Likewise, due to under-reporting, most state and county agencies tasked to regulate private daycares have yet to realize the full magnitude of the problem.

Mister Rogers Talks With Parents About Distracted Daycare

Mr. Rogers on distracted daycare
What would Mr. Rogers have said about distracted daycare?

Imagine a contemporary television special entitled “Mister Rogers Talks with Parents about Distracted Daycare.” What advice might Mister Rogers offer parents concerned about the dangers of distracted daycare?

Selecting A Daycare

While no daycare is perfect, parents should select a childcare facility that minimizes the dangers distracted daycare workers pose to their children’s safety. In Mister Rogers’ special, he took a tour of several daycares, speaking to owners, directors and workers.

Four things that parents should look for are (1) an open-door policy, (2) a no-internet-enabled-devices-during-work-hours policy, (3) a camera surveillance network in all rooms and areas (including the playground) where children stay (not including restrooms) and (4) public complaints and notices.

Open-Door Policy

  • Open-door policy. The daycare that parents eventually select should have an open-door policy. With such a policy, parents can show up to the daycare at any time unannounced to observe daycare activities and worker behaviors (for an example see Toddler Town Chicago’s Open Door Parental Policy). Parent coach and author of The Nanny Whisperer, Tammy Gold, also recommends intensive parental monitoring of “babysitters, daycare workers or nannies [who] are on their smartphones, texting, emailing and otherwise distracted.” However, not all daycare businesses will open the doors for parents to make surprise inspections, citing the parent’s presence as a disruption to the flow of student activities.

No Internet-Enabled Devices

  • No-internet-enabled-devices-during-work-hours policy. The daycare should also have human resources policy forbidding the use of internet-enabled devices by workers during operating hours (for an example, see Kinder House Day Care Technology Policy). While some daycares have a no-portable-device-in-the-classrooms policy, others adopt a more laissez-faire approach, only banning recordings of children that daycare workers might post to social media sites. The daycare owner and/or director should be able to produce the no-internet-enabled-devices-during-work-hours policy on demand, explain how it is enforced and report how many violations of the policy have occurred in the past year.

Camera Surveillance

  • Camera surveillance network. Ideally, the daycare should have cameras recording all activities in the child areas during working hours. However, most daycare businesses still do not accommodate the request for camera recordings on the grounds of employee privacy. The reason for this is that direct surveillance of daycare businesses makes it difficult for these businesses to attract and retain low-paid daycare workers. Such workers may see the easy access to their portable devices as a trade-off for low wages. Even where there is camera surveillance, many employees know the blind spots of these cameras, the places where they can check internet-enabled devices without fear of detection.

Public Complaints And Notices

4) Public complaints and notices. At the very least, parents should contact the public agency (usually state or county) that regulates private daycares and ask how many complaints and notices the daycare has received in the previous 12 months. If there are many, or if they are serious, give that daycare a miss.

Demanding Accountability

Parents should hold daycare workers, directors and owners to account for any harms to their children that they believe resulted from daycare workers’ distracted behavior. A significant obstacle to making these allegations stick is the inability of parents to easily gather evidence that the worker’s distracted behavior contributed to the harm or that the harm could have been prevented if the worker were not distracted.

In most U.S. states, daycare businesses must complete an incident report and inform the parents when a child is physically harmed on daycare premises. Claims that repeated injuries were self-inflicted is a possible warning sign that the harms were the result of daycare workers’ distracted behavior.

If the child is pre-verbal (can’t yet speak), it is difficult to determine the truth of these claims. Parents should interview the director and the worker to determine the exact circumstances under which the injuries occurred. Lodging a complaint against the daycare with the state or county agency that regulates private daycare businesses is always an option.

Communication is also essential. Parents should talk to other parents about the problem. Sharing incident reports allows them to detect patterns of distracted behavior among specific daycare workers. Parents need not be ashamed to withdraw the child from the daycare if they suspect that it is a site where distracted behaviour is rife among the caregiving staff.

Last Resort – Suing The Daycare

Although no parent plans to sue their child’s daycare, in cases where a worker’s distracted behavior causes severe injury to a child, filing a lawsuit is a perfectly reasonable response. It can also be employed as a last resort, in case satisfaction cannot be had through less formal channels.

Following the example of Mister Rogers, it helps to consult experts on technical matters.The Injury Claim Coach is a good resource. Here, legal experts explain that most daycares require parents to sign waivers of legal liability. The waivers, however, are not an adequate defense in a court of law. Indeed, they are commonly struck down by courts as contrary to public policy.

Distracted Daycare: A Story

Injury Claim Coach offers an example of a child injured by a daycare worker because of “lack of supervision” and distracted behavior (cell phone use). In the example, 12 three-year-olds were left alone as the caregiver spoke on her cellphone. While the caregiver was distracted by her phone conversation, one of her charges repeatedly bit a second child on his back:

Later that evening, when the child’s mother was bathing him, she noticed several deep bite marks on his back. The mother applied an antibiotic to the wounds and bandaged them. The next morning, the child had a high fever. The emergency room physician diagnosed the child with a staph infection likely caused by the bite marks.

The parent alleged in court that the daycare was negligent and breached its duty of care to protect her child. The court agreed and ruled the daycare center was negligent. The court said the teacher breached her duty by leaving the children alone. “But for” the teacher’s actions, the child might not have the infection.

Satisfying Legal Standards

The standard legal elements that must be satisfied for a distracted daycare injury claim (civil suit for negligence) to be successful include:

1) The daycare center shoulders a duty of care (obligation) to prevent the child from suffering undue harm

2) The daycare center breached (violated) its duty of care

3) The child’s injuries were directly and proximately caused by the breach;

4) The daycare staff or management could foresee the injury

5) The nature and value of the child’s injuries must be proven.

The major roadblock for parents alleging that the children’s injuries were caused by a daycare worker’s distracted behavior is satisfying the threshold of proof required by a court of law (usually preponderance of evidence). Evidence that distraction contributed to the harm — in other words, “but for” the distraction the harm would not have ensued — is often difficult for parents to gather and easy for daycare owners, directors, and workers to hide.

Surveillance Cameras

Since parents wish to avoid sending their children to distracted daycares, naming and shaming these private businesses is a valid option. Another option is petitioning state and local governments to actively police distracted behavior in private daycares by, for instance, requiring surveillance cameras.

Keeping daycare workers, directors, and owners accountable for distracted behaviors and the harms they cause to children is of utmost importance to society at large. Harming children physically, cognitively and emotionally has terrible long-term social costs, from delinquency to addiction to incarceration.

Communities ought to honestly address the problem of distracted daycare, not minimize, deny, and cover it up. Parents, lawmakers and child welfare professionals should regularly broach the issue with the daycare business community. In the end, as Mister Rogers would remind us, open discussion of the problem and cooperative efforts to resolve it will make us all better neighbors!

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Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD): Why is My Child so Clumsy?

Developmental coordination disorder (DCD) is a condition that lasts a lifetime, and can make children appear to be clumsy. Children with DCD have trouble learning motor skills and coordinating the way they move. They might have trouble tying their shoes and buttoning buttons. In school, they may have trouble with writing, drawing, and sports. DCD is also known as dyspraxia and sensory-based motor disorder (SBMD).

Children with DCD may be late with developmental milestones such as crawling, walking, feeding themselves, and getting dressed without help. At first, a parent or a pediatrician may not see these delays as a sign of a condition. DCD may not be diagnosed until a child is five years old, or older.

While DCD affects both boys and girls, it is 3-4 times more common in boys. The condition seems to run in families. Experts think that at least 5 percent of children have DCD. The main treatment for DCD is occupational therapy (OT). If you think your child may have DCD, you should speak to your child’s doctor.

A child with DCD will not outgrow the condition, since it is a lifelong condition. Once diagnosed, however, a child with DCD can learn how to cope with the condition. Children can also do a great deal to improve their motor skills.

Is DCD a Learning Disability?

DCD isn’t thought of as a specific learning disability like dyslexia or dyscalculia. Experts think of it as a neurodevelopmental disorder, like ADHD. DCD often comes with or is comorbid with other issues or disabilities. Since the symptoms of various conditions can look the same or overlap, DCD may be confused with something else or misdiagnosed.

A child with DCD will not outgrow the condition, since it is a lifelong condition. Once diagnosed, however, a child can learn how to cope with the condition. A great deal can also be done to improve motor skills.

DCD Signs and Symptoms

DCD makes life a struggle both inside and outside of the classroom. In school, children with the condition may have trouble organizing their books, notebooks, pens, pencils, and erasers. They can have trouble taking notes or copying from the blackboard.

Outside the classroom, children may have trouble tying their shoes, pouring a bowl or cereal, or brushing their teeth. As DCD affects their balance, they may find it hard to sit on chair without constantly squirming. This can make eating difficult and messy.

DCD means that the skills that we call on to help us move, don’t work right. These movement skills include:

  • Fine motor skills
  • Gross motor skills
  • Motor planning
  • Coordinating movement (coordination)

When motor skills don’t work as they should, there may be problems with everyday life. Your child may find it hard to:

  • Keep his/her balance
  • Quickly change the way he or she is moving to avoid bumping into things or getting hurt
  • Get his/her body to move the right way
  • Learn new ways to move
  • Predict what will happen when s/he moves this way or that
  • Figure out and solve motor tasks (like buttoning a button)

Just Clumsy?

Most of us learn from experience. A child with DCD may not learn the right way to move from past mistakes. All of us have clumsy moments. We may misjudge how close a hand is to a glass a milk and knock it over. But after we clean up the mess and pour a fresh glass of milk, there are no more accidents. A child with DCD, on the other hand, may knock that glass of milk over again and again.

Children with DCD have trouble figuring out the order of how they must move to do a task. This is called sequencing. Trouble with sequencing can make it difficult to put one foot in front of the other when walking, for instance. That means that children with DCD may bump into other people, fall a lot, or drop things they are holding as they walk.

Kids don’t all learn to crawl, walk, and get dressed at exactly the same time. Some do these things earlier, and some later. That makes it hard to spot a problem like DCD. A parent or a pediatrician may think these delays are just normal for the child. They may think a child will outgrow being clumsy.

Once a child is in preschool, and the issues persist, it may become easier to see there is a real problem. That means that it is usually not until preschool that a child with DCD is diagnosed and given treatment. At that point, parents can look back and realize they were seeing the signs and symptoms of a real condition in their child, all along.

Signs and Symptoms by Age

Here are some signs of DCD in children, according to age:

Preschoolers

  • Finds it hard to hold and use spoons and forks
  • Finds it hard to throw a ball
  • Doesn’t realize he or she is playing too roughly
  • Is always bumping into other kids
  • Squirms in his/her seat
  • Can’t seem to sit upright
  • Falls off of chairs

Kindergarten through Second Grade:

  • Finds it hard to hold and use crayons, pencils, and scissors
  • Can’t write letters the right way
  • Can’t seem to get the spacing right between letters
  • Going up and down the stairs is difficult
  • Always bumping into people
  • Still finds it hard to get dressed or brush his/her teeth

Third through Seventh Grade:

  • Needs more time to write than the other kids
  • It’s hard to cut up his/her food
  • Still finds it hard to tie shoes or button buttons, so getting dressed is hard
  • Math is difficult because s/he finds it difficult to line up the columns of numbers the right way

Eighth through Twelfth Grade:

  • Finds it hard to type and text
  • Has trouble with visual spatial tasks, for instance understanding how to work with shapes in geometry class.
  • Finds it a daily challenge to open the latch on his/her school locker
  • It’s hard to learn how to drive

DCD or something else?

It’s usual for children with DCD to also have learning disabilities or attention difficulties. The most common problem seen together with DCD is ADHD. Experts think that half of all children with DCD have ADHD, too.

Sometimes DCD seems to be something different. Kids with the condition have trouble sitting still or sitting up straight. They may squirm in their seats in an effort to keep their balance. Even a teacher with lots of experience may see the squirming and decide the child has ADHD. Or the child may have both DCD and ADHD, but the squirming and clumsiness can make the experts miss the DCD part of the problem.

To confuse things further, other issues can make children fidget or squirm. Sensory processing issues can cause these behaviors. A label inside a shirt collar can drive a kid with sensory processing problems to squirm and fidget every bit as much as a child with DCD, trying to sit still in his/her chair.

But DCD can just look like other issues. For example, because of balance problems, these kids often have trouble sitting upright or sitting still. They may move around a lot to keep their bodies up.

Conditions with similar symptoms

There are many issues that can come with DCD or be confused with the condition, including:

Because DCD may be confused with or come along with other conditions, it’s important for a child to have a full evaluation. That way, if a child has other issues, these too will be diagnosed and treated.

DCD Risk Factors

We don’t know what causes DCD. We do know some of the risk factors, including:

  • Male gender
  • Small for size at birth
  • Born early, before the 37th week
  • Low birth weight
  • Family history of DCD
  • Maternal alcohol or drug use during pregnancy

Evaluating your child

If you suspect your child may have DCD, see your child’s doctor. Your child’s pediatrician may be able to diagnose the condition. Or the pediatrician may work with other experts, for instance, a developmental behavioral pediatrician, a pediatric neurologist or a child psychologist, to evaluate and diagnose the problem.

The most common ages to evaluate for DCD are 5 and 6. Evaluators will look at motor and cognitive skills. They’ll ask questions about other factors that could be having an impact, too, in school and home life. They’ll also want to know whether your child has hit certain milestones in development and when symptoms began.

Evaluating children for DCD calls for assessing how your child moves. Here are some of the movement skills that evaluators will seek to assess:

  • Balance
  • Coordination
  • Fine motor control
  • Motor planning
  • Range of motion
  • Strength

The evaluators will want to see how well your child moves by having him do things like cut out paper shapes with a scissors, or string beads. Your child may be asked to draw different shapes or color a picture, to see how well s/he stays within the lines. These tasks show a child’s visual perception skills.

Therapy for DCD

The main treatment for DCD is occupational therapy (OT). An occupational therapist will work with your child to improve movement and motor skills. In order to improve handwriting skills, for instance, the occupational therapist may have your child practice tracing letters. A child who struggles with tying shoelaces, can practice on a lacing board.

Children with DCD who have an IEP or a 504 plan, may be able to receive OT for free in school. You may be able to get OT covered through your insurance plan. You can also hire a private occupational therapist.

Some children with DCD also need to work with a physical therapist. Physical therapy can help improve balance and strengthen muscle tone.

In school, children with DCD may need accommodations to manage their schoolwork. They may need extra time for tests or written work, because writing is difficult. Assistive technology for instance speech-to-text tools that can take dictation, can also be a big help in getting a child with DCD through school. The teacher may be willing to let your child use these accommodations in the classroom. Otherwise, your child can receive formal accommodations with an IEP or 504 plan.

Love and Support

The most important thing you can do for your child with DCD is to offer support and understanding for the challenges your child will confront every day. Advocating for your child is part of that. You may have to explain that your child didn’t mean to bump into his friend yet again, or that your child has trouble sitting still, because he has DCD. When you mention DCD, you can expect to be met with blank stares—sometimes even from your child’s teachers. (You can always tell people that Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe also has DCD—to Google it!)

Daniel Radcliffe
Actor Daniel Radcliffe has DCD, photo credit: Joella Marano [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)]
Children with DCD, like children with any other disorder or condition, can suffer from self-esteem issues. Your support and understanding go a long way toward helping your child overcome these feelings of not being good enough. Work on building up your child with sincere praise for real efforts. Notice any improvement in your child’s motor skills and let him/her know you noticed! Give your child opportunities to practice motor skills at home.

Help your child break down difficult tasks into smaller parts and offer lots of practice on a regular basis. Find ways to change tasks so they become easier. You might, for instance, use special grips for pencils and pens that make them easier to hold. With occupational therapy, physical therapy, help at home, and accommodations in and out of the classroom, your child is bound to improve his or her motor skills to some degree.

David Branson, Daniel Radcliffe, and photographer David Bailey all have DCD
Left to right: David Branson, Daniel Radcliffe, David Bailey (photo credits: Joella Marano, David Shankbone, Ben Broomfield, via Wikimedia Commons)

Be patient and always remember that it’s not easy to live with DCD. Encourage your child however you can and always be ready with your sympathy and understanding. Remind your child that many great and successful people have DCD. (In addition to actor Daniel Radcliffe, there’s entrepreneur Richard Branson and photographer David Bailey—imagine having to hold that camera still!) Most of all, let your child know your love is there to be counted on, no matter what happens today or any other day, in or out of the classroom.

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Can Children Get Type 2 Diabetes?

Diabetes is a condition that affects the body’s blood glucose levels. There are two main types of diabetes that are diagnosed in children and adults: type 1 and type 2. In type 1 diabetes, the pancreas can’t make enough insulin, which is a hormone that helps spread glucose (sugar) into the body’s cells to produce energy. Those diagnosed with type 1 diabetes are most often born with the condition.

Type 2 diabetes is diagnosed when the pancreas creates enough insulin, but the body won’t use it. This is referred to as insulin resistance. Diabetes affects the way the body makes and uses insulin. That means rising levels of blood glucose and, ironically, a body starved for energy.

In the United States, over 30 million Americans suffer from diabetes. In 2017, 18,000 children below the age of 20 were diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and over 5,000 children were found to have type 2 diabetes. November is Diabetes Awareness Month–the perfect time to learn about a disease that affects so many people of all ages every day. If you believe your child is at risk of being diagnosed with diabetes here is what you need to know.

Child Risk Factors for Type 2 Diabetes

Once referred to as adult-onset diabetes, type 2 diabetes has become a more common diagnosis in children. This is because of rising levels of childhood obesity over the past twenty years. Most cases of childhood diabetes are diagnosed in puberty, though children can get it as young as 8 years old. There has also been an increase in mothers who are diagnosed with gestational diabetes during pregnancy. Gestational diabetes increases the risk for developing diabetes later in life in both the mother and her baby.

Children, most often girls, are also at an increased risk for developing type 2 diabetes if they have a family history for either diabetes or obesity. If your child is of African American, Hispanic, Asian American, Pacific Islander, or Native American descent, he/she also has a higher chance of developing type 2 diabetes as a child.

Obesity is linked with insulin resistance, the leading cause of type 2 diabetes. Childhood obesity affects around 12.7 million children and teenagers in the United States. As the childhood obesity epidemic grows, so do the number of children who become insulin resistant and go on to be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

Can Diabetes Type 2 Be Prevented?

Children with prediabetes are at risk for developing type 2 diabetes. In prediabetes, blood glucose rises to levels approaching type 2 diabetes. If your child has prediabetes, the doctor may make recommendations to help lower your child’s blood glucose levels. Following the doctor’s recommendations may prevent your child from developing type 2 diabetes.

Encouraging children to eat healthier foods can help prevent the development of diabetes. Eating a diet low in carbohydrates with adequate protein and healthy fats, can reduce the risk of excess weight gain. Such a diet should also result in weight loss in children who have gained too much weight. Obesity is a major cause of type 2 diabetes development.

Another common type 2 diabetes prevention tactic is getting regular exercise sessions of around 30 minutes each, five days a week. Participating in physical activities can prevent not only diabetes, but many other serious health complications and diseases like, for instance, cancer. Limiting TV and video game time and encouraging children to be active reduces their risk for being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

Healthy Activities Prevent Type 2 Diabetes

Here are some fun activities that can help prevent diabetes type 2 in children:

  • School sports like baseball, lacrosse, and soccer
  • Walking the family dog
  • Physical chores like shoveling snow and raking leaves
  • Walking or bike-riding to school
  • Physical family activities like hiking or sledding
  • Daily runs or walks
  • Dance or gymnastics class
  • Karate

Signs & Symptoms of Type 2 Diabetes

In the beginning stages of type 2 diabetes, signs and symptoms of the disease are uncommon. Only as time passes do the symptoms begin to appear. Some of the most common symptoms include:

  • Extreme Thirst
  • Frequent Hunger
  • Unexplained Weight Loss
  • Dry Mouth
  • Frequent Urination
  • Itchy Skin
  • Blurred Vision
  • Numbness or Tingling in Hands or Feet
  • Heavy Breathing
  • Slow Healing of Sores and Cuts
  • Darkened Skin in Armpits and Neck

Complications of Type 2 Diabetes

A diagnosis of type 2 diabetes can lead to complications that come on faster in children than in adults. Diabetes is the leading cause of vision loss and blindness from a group of eye conditions called diabetic eye disease. These conditions include diabetic retinopathy, diabetic macular edema, glaucoma, and cataracts, and affect most major portions of the eye. Other complications of diabetes can include coronary artery disease, stroke, heart attack, kidney failure, and sudden death.

Children at risk or already diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should receive an annual flu shot. The flu can increase the risk of diabetes-related complications. Any illness at all, in fact, can make diabetes more difficult to manage.

Children who are at risk for developing type 2 diabetes are also at risk for diabetes complications. For this reason, at-risk children should be screened for the disease on a regular basis. Early diagnosis means a chance to begin treatment as soon as possible. Early treatment of diabetes helps to prevent later complications from the disease.

Complications of Diabetes Treatment

Insulin therapy is often necessary to control type 2 diabetes. But as diabetic children and teens grow into young adults, the doctor may add further medication to their treatment plans. Some of these prescription drugs are known to have side effects far worse than the symptoms they are used to treat.

One such class of drugs is SGLT2 inhibitors. SGLT2 inhibitor medications regulate blood sugar levels by keeping the body from absorbing glucose back into the blood. Invokana is an example of an SGLT2 inhibitor. This drug has come under fire for increasing the risk of rare genital infections, lower-limb amputations, and ketoacidosis in adults over the age of 18 who use this medication.

Diabetes medications are often prescribed as part of an overall treatment plan. Ask your doctor about the possible side effects and complication of the various prescription drugs for diabetes. Having this information can help you decide see which medication is right for the child approaching adulthood.

What Can Parents Do?

A diagnosis of type 2 diabetes sounds scary. After all, diabetes, whether type 1 or type 2, cannot be cured. In spite of this fact, with proper management, most people with diabetes live a happy, healthy life. If your child or teen has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, you can help manage the disease by encouraging your child to engage in physical activity and eat healthy meals.

If you believe your child is at risk for type 2 diabetes, there’s so much you can do to avoid that dreaded diagnosis. You can help your child fit in more exercise and other healthy activities. You can make sure your child eats right and loses weight. Most of all, if you notice any possible symptoms of diabetes in your child, you’ll want to speak to your child’s pediatrician right away. Early diagnosis and treatment are the best way to keep your child’s life as normal and as healthy as possible

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5 Successful Kid-Owned Business Ventures

Have you considered helping your child start his own business? After all, it’s never too early to teach kids the value of hard work and money. And while you can’t really teach an 18-month-old about credit card interest rates, you can start rewarding kids for their chores and teaching about saving, spending, investing, and donating as early as preschool. Or you could cut to the chase and help them start a business.

Many experts recommend having kids start their own business. And while lemonade stands are out of vogue in our stranger-danger society, there are plenty of child-run business examples out there to inspire you and your kids into an early entrepreneurial enterprise. Check out these five child-owned business examples that go beyond babysitting and lemonade stands—into true kid entrepreneurship.

Kid Entrepreneurs to Inspire Your Child to Start a Business

  1. Alina Morse and Zollipops

Alina Morse wanted to make candy that didn’t cause cavities. At seven years old, she created lollypops with a recipe of maltitol syrup, xylitol, beetroot juice, and stevia. These sugar-free treats received national attention and got her invited to the White House as an honored guest.

From there, she invested a $7,500 loan from her grandparents into the company and took the brand national. You can now find her “Zollipops” in retailers like Whole Foods, Amazon, Walmart, and Kroger, among others. And this is all because Alina saw a problem and wanted to solve it.

Is your child already passionate about a movement or a cause? How could she help people and make money at the same time?

  1. Lily Born Helps Her Grandpa

When she was eight years old, Lily Born noticed that her grandfather was spilling his drinks a lot. She saw that her grandpa, who had Parkinson’s, constantly dropped his drinks. His hand tremors caused him to bump up against things—often shaking his glass or knocking it over completely.

Lily raised $6,000 with a Kickstarter campaign to develop a three-legged “Kangaroo” cup that allowed her grandfather to hold it more comfortably and securely. Her invention succeeded and is still available at retailers today. After the encouragement of her early success, Lily continues to invent products through her business, Imagiroo.

Lily Born of Imagiroo
Lily Born created Imagiroo, out of a desire to help people like her grandfather, who had Parkinson’s disease.

What ideas might your child develop into products with the right encouragement and inspiration? How can you help her discover what they are?

  1. William’s Windmill Generator Business

Born in Malawi, William Kamkwamba grew up in abject poverty, which was made much worse by the combination of a severe drought and serious resource mismanagement at the national level.

In the face of this adversity, 14-year-old William taught himself how to make a windmill generator using books from the school library and was able to scrounge the parts he needed from a local junkyard. In some cases, he had to buy specialized parts by selling other things he scrounged.

His windmill provided electricity for his home. As he refined it, he began selling charging services for neighbors’ cell phones. Now 31 years old, William has written a book and speaks internationally about technology, entrepreneurship, and how kids can solve problems.

William Kamkwamba started a business in which he provided energy to his neighbors from a windmill generator he built with his own two hands
William Kamkwamba started a business in which he provided energy to his neighbors from a windmill generator he built with his own two hands.

Is your child interested in engineering or technology? What might you do to help her turn that into a profitable project?

  1. Mikaila and the Bees

At age four, Mikaila Ulmer got stung twice by bees and developed an entirely reasonable fear of the black-and-yellow insects. Her grandmother, trying to forestall the development of a phobia, sent her an old cookbook with some honey-based recipes.

Mikaila fell in love with a flaxseed lemonade recipe and in researching further, found out how important bees were to the environment and about colony collapse disorder. She then created Me & the Bees Lemonade, which is sweetened with honey from local bee hives.

Her first customer was a local pizzeria. She combined the sales with education presentations about how to care for bees, which netted her a deal with nearby Whole Foods locations. She has also been featured on the show, Shark Tank. Now, at age 13, she distributes her products to retailers throughout the southeast.

A bee sting and a grandmother's advice set Mikaila on her own business journey
A bee sting and a grandmother’s advice set Mikaila Ulmer on her own business journey

What does your child fear? Is there a way you could help them conquer that fear and turn it into a viable business opportunity?

  1. Warren Buffet’s Little Red Wagon

Now one of the richest men in the world, Warren Buffet’s name is synonymous with solid investing and financial success. According to his biography, The Snowball, his financially-motivated mind developed early.

In early grade school, young Warren had a little red wagon which he filled with candy bars purchased in bulk from a local store. He would walk around the neighborhood with them, selling them to anybody who wanted them—at a profit of 50%. He saved those profits in a drawer and graduated from high school with a five-figure stake.

Warren Buffet started a business as a child
Warren Buffet started a business as a child Warren Buffet started a business as a child. By Mark Hirschey (Work of Mark Hirschey) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
What products could your child “buy low and sell high” to make as much or more than he could babysitting or on a paper route? Where and how would he sell them?

Final Thoughts

Ideally, a financially savvy child wouldn’t have a summer job. She would have a summer business. Encouraging your child to take control of and responsibility for her financial success won’t necessarily turn her into the next Steve Jobs or Elon Musk. However, it will teach her the value of earning a living better than almost anything else will. It will also teach her skills such as how to manage her money and time, and how to work well with people.

It’s never too early to start teaching your kids the value of pursuing goals, helping others, and managing resources. If you haven’t considered it before, an entrepreneurial endeavor is a great experience for your child that could help her in any job she may have as an adult. And, if your child does become a successful entrepreneur because of those early experiences, she’ll have you to thank for it.

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What to do if you Suspect Your Child is Gifted (Part II)

You always thought your child might be gifted, so you’ve gone ahead with testing. You’ve also gone beyond testing to provide, to the best of your ability, for your gifted child’s educational needs. But you still have questions. Lots of questions. You wonder, for instance, how to provide for your gifted child’s emotional needs.

In Part I of this two-part series on giftedness, experts described the general tendency of the gifted for loneliness and depression. Some spoke of keeping a gifted child’s ego in check. Others alluded to the keenness with which gifted children sense cruelty and world indifference.  Shandy Cole, executive director of Fountainhead Montessori School in Dublin, CA, in the San Francisco Bay Area, has seen this painful hyperawareness both professionally and as the mother of a gifted child. “Parents need to understand that their gifted child has unique needs. They are socially children, but have worries, concerns, and interests far beyond their years. It can be very overwhelming, and anxiety is typically high in such children, as they bear adult concerns and a child’s psyche (i.e., they take in real world concerns, but have no filter or adult understanding to process them.)

“My 6-year-old, for example, cried about the possibility of World War III, and what if all the polar bears went extinct? She took the average human life span and figured out roughly when I would die. This caused many nights of crying and fears that really have no answer,” says Cole.

Gifted Child Concerns

Cole suggests that we reassure children that it’s okay to worry, while providing them with the tools to understand their feelings. “Just telling them everything will be okay discounts their concerns and heightens those same anxieties. The main thing is to not discount the fears of a 4 year-old who is worried about global wars, a 12 year-old worried about cancer, and etc. They understand things far beyond their years, and you have to really explain things and not gloss over events or frightening concepts. Tell them it is okay to be afraid, but this is what is being done to reconcile these risks, for instance.”

Shannon W. Bellezza, Ph.D., of Triangle Behavioral and Educational Solutions, is more concerned about boredom. “Many students who are gifted have difficulty in the classroom with regular instruction because they are bored and under stimulated. Reports of a child demonstrating mildly disruptive behaviors that might indicate boredom could be a sign that a child is gifted. Counterintuitively, bad grades could indicate giftedness as well, particularly if parents know that their child is smart and that the grades their child is receiving do not reflect their intelligence.

“This happens as a result of boredom – the child, being under stimulated, puts forth little effort on their graded work because it’s boring and seems remedial or repetitive and unnecessary; they see no benefit in putting forth effort,” says Bellezza.

On Feeling Different: Quality, Not Quantity

“Regarding a child feeling different once identified as gifted:  Parents want to make sure that the enrichment their child is being provided is in quality and depth, not quantity. Many teachers mistake enrichment and differentiation for ‘more;’ rather than addressing gifted instruction with the depth of content, they address it simply by providing more work,” says Bellezza, who concludes, “This can make a child stand out from his peers and have a negative effect on his love of learning.”

Laurie Endicott Thomas, MA, ELS, feels that placing gifted children among their gifted peers addresses a multitude of problems. For Thomas, it’s not just about the potential for boredom and lack of stimulation in the regular classroom, but about learning humility. In regular classrooms, gifted children are often all too aware that they are the smartest people in the room. But move them into a classroom for the gifted and all of a sudden they’re not: a humbling experience.

Thomas feels the move to a gifted classroom or school is best tackled in elementary school. “It is far better for the child to clear that hurdle in K-12 than to slam into a wall when he or she gets to college. When I went to Penn, I saw a lot of kids who had been big fishes in their small hometown pond were stunned to find that they suddenly were small fishes in a big pond. They lacked the emotional resilience or the moral and intellectual discipline to compete with other gifted people, or even with people who were merely bright but studious,” says Thomas, who adds, “To learn how to treat other people as equals, they need to know what it feels like to be around people who are even smarter than they are.”

Tell Them They’re Gifted?

Learning how to coexist with others is important for all children, part of a child’s social emotional development. That’s true across the board, whether or not a gifted child’s peers are equally blessed. Should a parent refrain then, from telling the child that he or she is gifted? Does doing so help the gifted child make sense of his differences or underscore them even more?

Bellezza says it depends. “Whether parents tell their child or not, the child will eventually notice that the instruction she is receiving is different from a large portion of her peers. No matter what parents decide to tell their child, it is important to emphasize a growth mindset; that intelligence and ability are not fixed but are affected by effort.”

Alina Adams, on the other hand, is adamant that parents not tell their children they are gifted. Adams cites Dr. Carol Dweck on the subject. “Bright children who are told they’re bright have a tendency to decide that being smart means never putting in any effort. So when they encounter something truly challenging, they shirk away from attempting it, for fear of appearing less smart than everyone believes them to be (not to mention as smart as they believe themselves to be).”

Emphasize Strengths

Janet Heller, President of the Michigan College English Association, comments that, at any rate, very few children are gifted in all areas, which means that to stress giftedness as a distinction is perhaps not so important. “Some children, for example, may be excellent at music and mathematics but not in literature and writing—or vice versa. Parents may tell children which areas they are strong in; however, adults need to emphasize that everyone needs to work very hard to develop potential talent. Talent does not grow by itself without effort.

“Thomas Alva Edison said, ‘Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.’ I think that this is true. Good athletes, musicians, writers, artists, dancers, scientists, etc. must practice skills and develop new abilities every day in order to succeed,” says Heller.

Cole, meanwhile, says that rather than point out a child’s giftedness, it’s more important to stress that—to paraphrase Monty Python’s Life of Brian—we’re all individuals.

“I think you gain nothing by telling the child. But it is a personal choice. Along with challenging them, I think it is also important that parents help these children understand that not everyone performs at the same level, and that everyone has different abilities with regard to the same tasks, thinking about the same concepts, and so forth,” says Cole.

“This knowledge helps ease their frustrations and develop empathy. It can teach them to be more patient with others, including with adults. It can also help develop their social skills, which may be out of sync with their peers.

“These children are assessing the world from a limited field of experience, and can feel disconnected from others without knowing why. They need the reassurance that they are not ‘odd balls.’ And parents need this reassurance too. A good resource would be A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children, since it provides practical guidance from an expert perspective,” adds Cole.

For some parents, the question of whether to tell a child that he or she is gifted, is moot. Tobi Kosanke, mother of a gifted 13-year-old girl never bothered to tell the girl she’s gifted. She didn’t have to: “The fact that she was enrolled at a school for gifted children was a dead giveaway,” says Kosanke.

“Normal” Sibling Issues

Gifted children not only struggle socially and emotionally in the classroom, but in the case of those with “normal” siblings, in the home, as well. What should parents do to minimize issues between gifted and non-gifted siblings? Cole says parents should treat them exactly the same. She points out, however, that the “normal” child may end up being the one who feels different. In this case, says Cole, “I would emphasize that everyone does their best—that you are your own person and etc.—but not make excuses for the ‘normal’ child to not do his or her best. This helps every child find their own unique interests and motivations.”

Heller says that instead of thinking about sibling rivalry issues, we should instead think of the benefits of nearness to the gifted and even perhaps, gifted education. “Normal siblings can often benefit from the extra enrichment experiences provided to gifted students. My fourth-grade teacher recommended that I be placed in a ‘special abilities’ class. This class got the best teachers and most stimulating curriculum in my elementary school.

“I loved it!” says Heller. “Some of the students in this class were not really gifted: they got into the special abilities class because their mothers were very active in the P.T.A., for example. However, these students’ exposure to the enriched curriculum and instruction resulted in their having unusual careers, such as becoming judges and detectives.”

These are career choices these “normal” children might not otherwise have considered.

Different Strengths

Adams says parents should look for opportunities to demonstrate that “normal” siblings have strengths their more gifted siblings might lack. “At one point, my middle child was doing his older brother’s math homework, and my youngest daughter was doing her middle-brother’s English assignments, each three grade levels above their own. It was actually an excellent example of how different people have different strengths and weaknesses, and no one excels at everything.

“I recommend seeking out as many examples as you can of how the other sibling can do something their gifted one can’t, be it sports, music, social skills, and etc.,” says Adams.

Not Gifted? What Now?

Let’s say you have your child tested and it turns out he’s normal, and not gifted, as you had anticipated. Where do parents go from here? Cole is prosaic, “Be thankful you have a wonderful child. I say we should challenge all children to the best of their abilities: every child needs to be challenged in order to help develop the skills that power successful lives.”

But Bellezza wouldn’t let things rest here. “Get a second opinion. If the child’s results on the school’s testing did not meet the threshold for giftedness, parents can seek out private testing through a psychologist. Depending on the school’s giftedness screening policies, parents might be able to try again the following year as well.”

Alina Adams stresses that the various tests for giftedness aren’t particularly valid until the child reaches the age of 10 or 12. Even then, “Different tests will produce different results depends on the day your child took the test and what mood they were in then.

“The fact is; no test result will change the behavior that prompted you to get your child tested in the first place. If they are passionate about a subject or activity, keep encouraging them, no matter what some number on a piece of paper says.”

Effort Over IQ

Adams takes the opportunity to once again emphasize a mindset of effort over IQ. “If, to paraphrase Forrest Gump, ‘stupid is as stupid does,’ then so is ‘gifted,’” adding that many in the gifted community disagree. To illustrate her personal philosophy, Adams relates this anecdote about her own three children. “Each one took the tests at age 4 that NYC requires for school placement. One was deemed not gifted, another gifted, and a third profoundly gifted.

“Which of my children is my worst student? The gifted one.

“Which of my children was my latest reader? The profoundly gifted one.

“Which one is starting Princeton this September? The non-gifted one.”

It’s a lesson we can all understand and learn from.

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What to do if you Suspect Your Child is Gifted (Part I)

You suspect your child is gifted. Actually, you pretty much know your child is gifted. You know it from observing your child. And you know it from all those articles you’ve found with their bulleted lists of gifted children behaviors—you’ve mentally ticked off most of the items.

So okay, now that you know, what should you do?

Dr. Shannon W. Bellezza of Triangle Behavioral and Educational Solutions, suggests that parents find out how schools in their area test for giftedness. “Some schools do universal screening around 3rd grade to see which children may be gifted. Sometimes there are options for parents or teachers to nominate children for testing to qualify for acceleration in certain subjects. Parents should find out how their school screens for giftedness and follow through with the appropriate procedures.”

Testing For Giftedness

Can’t wait that long? You don’t have to, if you don’t mind paying out of pocket. “Many private psychologists offer IQ tests for children as young as 3-4 years-old, including the Stanford-Binet and the WPPSI tests,” says Alina Adams, a school consultant and author of Getting Into NYC Kindergarten.

Adams cautions that there are many variables to these tests, which means the results will vary, too. “An important thing to remember is that the tests are different, and it’s entirely possible for a child to test gifted on one, but not on another. Also very few IQ tests are reliable before the ages of 10-12, so it’s possible your child will test gifted one year, but not the next,” says Adams.

Before having children tested, parents should consider that “gifted” means different things to different people, says Parenting and Family Coach Dr. Richard Horowitz. “At times parents with reasonably bright kids latch on to the label ‘gifted’ without actually getting confirmation by a teacher or psychologist. There is no universally recognized standard for gifted. School districts will set criteria for admission into a gifted/talented program but again it is the school’s arbitrary standard rather than a definition based on research.”

Fostering The Gift

Some parents don’t bother with confirmation. Tobi Kosanke, for example. She and her husband just assumed their 13-year-old daughter girl was gifted and ran with it: did what they could to foster their child’s development. “We nourished her intellect as a baby and toddler with toys, music, and books.”

“Gifted,” by the way, is not the same as “genius.” Alina Adams points out that unlike the lack of universal school standards for giftedness, there are actual accepted distinctions that separate those in the category “genius” from the merely “gifted.” “Giftedness can be anything from the top 90th percentile, to the top 95th or 97th. Genius is the 99.99 the percentile. The needs of the two groups are different.”

“Those with IQs between 125 to 145 can basically handle anything they decide to do. Those with IQs of 145 plus often have a harder time making themselves understood, which can get in the way of achievement. There is also the concept of multi-potentiality. When people are good at most anything they try, it becomes harder to narrow down exactly what they want to do. So they end up doing nothing, like the metaphor of Buridan’s ass,” says Adams.

Gifted=Special Needs??

Laurie Endicott Thomas, author of Not Trivial: How Studying the Traditional Liberal Arts Can Set You Free, has a different way of looking at IQ. She thinks that children on either end of the IQ spectrum should be thought of and treated as special needs children. “Keep in mind that a gifted child’s IQ is at least 30 points above the average. You would not dream of putting a child with an average IQ (100) in a classroom for mentally retarded children (IQ of 70). Yet gifted children are expected to thrive in a classroom that is geared to children whose IQ is 30 points below theirs. Not only will the gifted children be miserable from boredom, they will be wasting their time and developing bad study habits. (There’s no need to take notes if you know that the teacher is going to repeat the same boring thing 10 times!)”

Here Adams disagrees. “It really depends on the child. Some children who have tested gifted are so used to being the smartest kid in the room, the one that everyone fusses over and praises, that being put in a situation where everyone else is as smart—or even smarter—than they are, is a horrible experience. Some kids shut down completely, and become depressed. If their entire self-image is based on being the best, learning that there are others like them can be devastating.

“Another problem with gifted programs,” says Adams, “is that most public school-based ones operate on the assumption that all gifted children are gifted at the same things in the same way on the same schedule. The whole point of being gifted is that you are uniquely talented in a particular area. I’ve worked with families where their extremely verbal child struggled in advanced math, while other children with incredible math skills floundered in advanced English classes where their very literal-minded approach made parsing the nuances of texts nearly impossible.

Adams gives the personal example of her gifted son, who, when faced with Hemingway’s iconic six-word short story, For sale: baby shoes, never worn, insisted that there simply weren’t enough facts available to draw a definitive conclusion. “Sure, you could assume the baby died. But you could also assume it was an ad from a baby shoe factory that was closing down.”

Educational Needs

Horowitz has a more general view of gifted programs versus mainstreaming gifted children. “The best advice for a parent is to make sure that their child’s individual educational needs are being met and the parents should arrange a conference with the teacher or teachers early in the school year to make sure this is occurring. If the teacher can meet the child’s needs in the regular classroom than there is no need for an additional program,” says Horowitz, adding this caveat: “If, however, the school has identified a child as eligible for a gifted program, I believe the parents should take advantage of the offering.”

Whether or not to mainstream your gifted child is likely to be determined, says Bellezza, by school policy and availability of resources. Bellezza details the various types of school instruction that might be available to a gifted student depending on the school. “Pull-out enrichment (when the child is removed from the classroom for specialized instruction), push-in enrichment (when the child remains in the regular classroom and is given specialized instruction via differentiation by the classroom teacher or from another teacher who comes to the classroom), or some combination are usually offered by schools.”

William Schlitz of Keller, Texas, and his wife, Dr. Myiesha Taylor, decided to bypass the school system altogether. “My wife and I have homeschooled our 3 children here in Texas. We did not make the decision for religious or conservative political reasons. The decision was made to specifically address the gifted status of our two oldest children and tailor their education to create an academic environment that allowed them to thrive. Part of that was our desire to create a secure environment where our kids felt safe, free from bias, and could focus on their education. Like many who start this process we were concerned if our decision would hurt our children’s future (college?). But in reality it served as a launching point for all of them to thrive.

Education Disinterest

Schlitz’s and Taylor’s eldest daughter, Haley Taylor Schlitz, is today a 15-year-old senior at Texas Woman’s University. “Haley made the jump to homeschool when we became concerned about her academic progress at a local middle school. It was Haley’s growing disinterest with her education that led us to have her formally tested for giftedness. Her tests demonstrated a very highly gifted person.”

Haley went on to become a Davidson Young Scholar, and a member of both MENSA and Intertel, graduating homeschool high school at age 13. The young woman has been on the Dean’s List of TWU for the past two years with a GPA of 3.7. Haley will have her BS degree in May 2019, when she will be 16 years-old, and plans on attending law school starting the following Fall semester. Another son is about to follow in Haley’s footsteps. Ian, at 12, has just passed the entrance exam at a local community college.

Having taken the journey of homeschooling her children, Myiesha Taylor has developed insight into gifted education processes around the United States, and has served as a resource for families traveling a similar path. To this end, Taylor created a Facebook group, Brilliant In Color, that helps families of color discuss how to navigate giftedness for their children.

Testing, confirmation of giftedness, and education aside, some parents wonder what being gifted will mean for their child’s emotional makeup. Will being gifted mark a child as different? Do gifted children have difficulty finding and making friends, and cultivating relationships? Will a gifted child, of necessity, always be lonely? How will being gifted affect the child’s world view?

Social Skills

“Gifted children are prone to problems with loneliness and depression. Often, the gifted children themselves are blamed for having ‘poor social skills.’ Yet the real problem is that children generally develop real friendships only with other children whose IQ is within 15 points of theirs.

“If your child’s IQ is 100, then 68% of the population falls within his or her ‘friendship zone.’ As a result, your child is likely to have lots and lots of (rather dim-witted) friends. But if your child’s IQ is 140, less than 2% of the population falls within his or her ‘friendship zone.’ You may need to get involved in some organization for the gifted in order for your child to find children whom they can befriend,” says Endicott Thomas, who suggests parents of gifted children visit the SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) website.

Endicott Thomas describes the emotional downside of being gifted. “Because of their abilities to use abstract reasoning, gifted people are often keenly aware that the universe is indifferent to human suffering, that many social institutions are stupid and cruel, and that many adults are hypocrites. For this reason, gifted people need to find some way to make a positive difference in the world. Otherwise, they can suffer greatly from a problem called existential depression.”

On Being Different

Alina Adams disagrees, suggesting that the real problem with being gifted (and knowing it) is watching out for inflated egos. “Professionally, I can tell you that gifted kids love feeling different, and knowing things other kids don’t. Personally, I can tell you my husband and I tell our kids, ‘You’re not that great. Even if you’re one in a million, there are 6000 people out there just like you. And many more who are better.’

“Some parents like gifted schools and programs so that their children can be with like-minded peers. We like them because they prove to our kids just how not special they are,” says Adams.

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Teens: Saying No When Other Parents Say Yes

How do you say no to teens when their friends’ parents say yes? If you think the activity is dangerous, you’re right to say no. But if all the other parents say yes—that their children can participate in an activity—you end up looking like the bad guy. You look like you’re saying no just to be arbitrary or mean.  It makes you seem like a control freak. Or just too strict.

Take the example of Lynn, age 51. Lynn’s 16-year-old daughter Randi begged to attend a weekend at a friend’s house. The weekend was to conclude with an all-night party. But there was a catch: the friend’s parents were out of town.

The friend’s parents had all given their permission for the weekend and party. The other invited guests, another eight children, had all received permission from their parents to attend. Lynn and her husband Jordan were the only hold outs.

Saying No For Protection

Lynn knew that her fun-loving daughter might be persuaded to take part in activities that could hurt her. There might be alcohol or drugs at the party. There could be, for example, a game of Truth or Dare involving risqué behavior.

Randi is a great kid, but she likes to have fun. She’s game to try anything once. Her parents imagined her at the party, surrounded by friends urging her not to be a prude. In this environment, would Randi have the strength of will to say no to drinking, taking drugs, or engaging in sex-tinged activities?

Lynn and Jordan weren’t judging the other parents for agreeing to allow their children to have a fun weekend. But they knew their daughter and didn’t think it a good idea to put her in a situation where she could end up getting hurt. They knew that the right thing to do was to say no: to forbid Randi from spending the weekend at her friend’s house.

They tried to be gentle and diplomatic as they said no, while being firm and absolute. The results were predictable. Randi pitched a fit. The girl screamed and cried. She accused her parents of being unfair. She dragged in the fact that all the other parents had said yes. That she alone had monstrous parents who were control freaks. She said it wasn’t fair. Randi also reminded them that her friend’s parents trusted the friend to keep things clean and safe.

Saying No: The Right Thing to Do

Randi begged, yelled, cried, and slammed doors. But Lynn and Jordan were determined to stick to their guns. They decided they didn’t care about anything but keeping their daughter safe. They knew that saying no was the right thing to do.

Lynn and Jordan made a wise decision. The teenage brain is undergoing changes, pruning away gray matter on the way to becoming fully mature. These changes mean that teens have stronger emotional reactions and may feel a sense of urgency about situations, a need to act. A teen’s impulse control is weak, compared to that of an adult. That tendency for poor impulse control is the things that worried Randi’s parents most.

Lynn and Jordan knew that when teens drink, they drink too much. Teens don’t know how to stop once they get started. The same with taking drugs or making out. Teens also have poor planning skills which is why so many teenagers get into dangerous scrapes.

But saying no to a teenager is different than saying no to a toddler having a tantrum. A teen has the endless ability to twist facts and lay guilt trips. It’s hard for a parent to stand firm in the face of a teenager’s crazed reaction to a parent’s dictate.

Saying No Can Be a Conversation

Dr. Ari Yares, a licensed psychologist, parent coach, and nationally certified school psychologist, believes that how you say no, and how you involve your child in the way the decision plays out, makes a difference. “When having the conversation, share with your child your reasoning and be as transparent as possible within the circumstances. Allow them an opportunity to voice their objections and, when possible, engage in some problem solving that might lead to a modified answer.

Family therapist Elisabeth Goldberg, LMFT, says the trick is to keep going over in your head the reasons why you said no. This can give parents something to do as the teenager screams and yells and help the parent remain firm in his or her resolve. After all, if you have a good reason for saying no, there is no reason to change your mind. The issue is wanting to avoid feeling bad as a teenager yells at you.

“It must be very hard to own your parenting style. With constant comparisons of wealth, health and happiness, it’s no wonder why so many parents give into their kids and go against their better judgement. Technology has made our culture obsessed with popularity like never before, and parents are not immune to that competition in the least,” says Goldberg.

Yares suggests parents minimize the embarrassment of being forbidden an activity by speaking to the child in private. “It can be tough when you are the parent saying no when everyone else says yes and your child may be mad at you for the decision that you are making. It’s important to make sure that when saying no in a situation like this that you minimize the public embarrassment of saying no. Pull your child aside for a more private conversation by saying, ‘We need to discuss this.’”

Saying No: Poor Distress Tolerance

Dr. Goldberg, meanwhile, feels that the most important part of saying no is to resist all the pleading and crying, to learn to let it roll off a parent’s back like water off a duck. “What makes parents say yes when they should say no is poor distress tolerance. The child asks and the parent is initially annoyed, then it progresses and goes deep, cutting into their core of self-worth as a human. When parents can’t say no to their kids, it’s because they can’t tolerate other discomfort; their threshold has already been crossed,” says Goldberg.

Any parent whose teenager pleads and cries for a long enough time is going to question whether they are doing the right thing in saying no. This is normal. But it’s important to remember that if you give in, your child will only make a stronger fuss the next time you say no. She already knows you’ll give way if she screams long enough and loud enough.

And of course, if you show weakness, you teach your child weakness. Standing firm, on the other hand, is a good example for your teenager. “Parents who stand firm and present themselves as authority figures through positive messages of respect and experience raise more secure children than those who fall apart at small signs of aggravation. Distress tolerance is a very undervalued skill for parents. Parents who cannot tolerate distress will teach this to their kids, who will grow up believing that hardship past a certain point is unacceptable. They won’t be very adaptable, and tend to make poor partners,” says Goldberg.

But how should a parent steel himself against all that begging and crying? “Saying no comes down to training yourself to tolerate various levels of distress by reflecting on the thoughts and feelings that come up when you try to say no and don’t,” says Goldberg.

Colorful animation of parents standing firm against annoyed teenage boy
The hard part is standing firm

In the case of Lynn and Jordan and their daughter Randi, though the girl reasoned and cried, her parents stuck to their original position on the subject of the weekend house party. No remained no and Randi stayed home. The girl moped and complained but once the party was past tense, she and her parents got past their relationship hump. It was only a few days before things were back to normal.

The moral of the story is: stay strong and remember why you’re saying no. If you wuss out and give in, you’re only setting yourself up for failure at a later date. And your child will have had a really bad example of weak character to follow.

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Serve and Return Parenting

Serve and return is a term coined by Harvard researchers for the back and forth interactions between a parent and a child. To understand the concept of serve and return, imagine a game of ping pong or tennis. Someone hits the ball, sending it over or serving it to the second player. The second player hits the ball in turn, returning it to the first player. Now substitute a conversation, a smile, or a gesture for the ball, and you’ve got an idea of serve and return.

As parents, we know that when a newborn looks deep into our eyes, he is asking us for some kind of attention. Depending upon the look in his eyes, it could be the baby just wants a smile. Or maybe he wants us to talk to him or play with him. We may not even know exactly what he wants, but we know he wants something. Most of us, as parents, will try hard to figure it out and give him what he wants, even if it takes some trial and error.

That look the baby gives the parent is a “serve.” To respond to it is the “return.”

Serve and Return Builds Brain Architecture

Serve and return interactions like this one have been studied by researchers. Studies show such parent child interactions are critical to brain architecture, or the shaping of the infant’s developing brain. Serve and return parenting is so important that a baby who does not experience this sort of back and forth with caregivers is likely to have stunted development.  According to Harvard:

Because responsive relationships are both expected and essential, their absence is a serious threat to a child’s development and well-being. Healthy brain architecture depends on a sturdy foundation built by appropriate input from a child’s senses and stable, responsive relationships with caring adults. If an adult’s responses to a child are unreliable, inappropriate, or simply absent, the developing architecture of the brain may be disrupted, and subsequent physical, mental, and emotional health may be impaired. The persistent absence of serve and return interaction acts as a “double whammy” for healthy development: not only does the brain not receive the positive stimulation it needs, but the body’s stress response is activated, flooding the developing brain with potentially harmful stress hormones.

Erika Christakis, writing in The Atlantic, speaks about the high-pitched, grammar-simplified, over-enthusiastic baby talk a parent might use in response to a baby’s cooing. This sort of “conversational duet” is a type of serve and return parenting. According to Christakis, one study found that “Infants exposed to this interactive, emotionally responsive speech style at 11 months and 14 months knew twice as many words at age 2 as ones who weren’t exposed to it.”

In other words, if a child lacks serve and return parenting, the child may end up with developmental delays and worse. This would be a tragic outcome. The kind of outcome that happens to kids who are abandoned and end up in the foster care system. Not the kind of outcome we’d expect for our own children.

The only problem with this idea—that it can’t happen to our kids, we’re not those kinds of parents—is that increasingly, that’s not true. The thing that makes this a lie is our smartphones and screens. Our devices have turned us into distracted parents. The kind of parents who all too often miss a baby’s glance in favor of a Facebook PM or Whatsapp message.

Serve and return interaction between mother and baby girl
If your phone were to ping, what would happen to this moment?

Imagine your baby offers you that serve and return glance but at the same time, you hear a “ping” from your phone. How likely is that to happen? And how will that ping affect your serve and return interaction with your baby?

Let’s say you choose to ignore the ping and wait until the serve and return with your infant is complete before checking your phone. As you interact with your baby, the ping of your phone is still on your mind. It’s there in your head in reserve, reminding you it’s waiting for you to pay attention to it instead of to your baby. That’s got to affect the quality of your serve and return interaction with baby.

But what if you attend to the ping first, so you can then give your full attention to the baby? What happens to the serve and return interaction as a result of this delay? Is baby affected by being made to wait a bit longer?

The simple answer is that timing is everything. There’s a rhythm to serve and return interactions. As in tennis or ping pong, miss the moment, miss the serve, and the game could be lost. The baby’s glance or coo, unreturned, may mean baby gives up, acknowledges that a parent’s return just isn’t happening. The baby may look away, or space out, a kind of retreat from the perceived rejection of the parent.

Serve and Return Requires Full Attention

A father and baby serve and return interaction
This father is fully “present” for this serve and return interaction with his child.

There’s another possibility. You multitask! You ignore neither ping nor baby’s serve, dividing your attention between the two. No one gets your full attention. No one wins. Psychologist Kathy Hirsh-Pasek comments that, “Toddlers cannot learn when we break the flow of conversations by picking up our cellphones or looking at the text that whizzes by our screens.”

Baby feels the difference, feels you are distracted, as you switch back and forth between the screen of your smartphone and your baby. Perhaps baby doubles down, tries harder, becoming even more attractive to you by doing something extra cute. Or perhaps the serve and return remains a lackluster failure so that it just sort of peters out. FAIL.

What about children beyond babyhood? Do they still require your full attention? Christakis mentions two studies that illustrate what happens when parents are too distracted by technology to engage in serve and return parenting with their children. In one of these studies, 225 moms and their 6-year-olds were videotaped as the kids were given new foods to try. A quarter of the moms used their phones, which resulted in fewer interactions with their children.

Phone Use and Learning

A second study tested the impact of a parent’s phone use on a child’s ability to learn new words. Moms were told they had to teach their 2-year-olds two new words: blicking, which was supposed to mean “bouncing,” and frepping, which was supposed to mean “shaking.” The researchers rang some of the moms from another room.

When the learning sessions were interrupted by a researcher’s phone call, the children didn’t learn the two new words. When left undisturbed, however, the new words took root. As it turns out, seven mothers were excluded from the analysis of the data, because they didn’t answer the researchers’ phone calls. In other words, they failed to follow the protocol! Christakis says, “Good for them!”

Indeed.

More Time for Children

It’s interesting to note that parents have never been so free to spend so much time with their children. Technology has made chores like cleaning clothes and keeping food fresh so much easier. We can walk into a supermarket to buy food, and clothing is ready-made. No one needs to milk a cow or churn butter. There are no longer accidents of the sort that were commonplace when moms were too busy to give baby much attention.

Those moms had no choice but to leave their babies alone much of the time. But our smartphones make us distracted moms by choice, limiting serve and return interactions with our children, and affecting their brain development. And make no mistake, it is a choice. Because it would be the easiest thing in the world to turn our phones off.

Minimizing Phone Distractions

With this in mind, parents would be well advised to do exactly that: shut off those phones when spending time with children. It’s the only way to be there for those serve and return moments. Here are 3 tips on how to minimize phone distractions:

  1. Put your phone on silent and out of sight in your bag or pocket when spending time with your child
  2. Experiment with shutting your phone off for a fixed time, say two hours in the afternoon, and try to be really present with your child during this time
  3. Stay off your phone while nursing or bottle-feeding your baby and during mealtimes for older children since this is an important time for socialization

That doesn’t mean you have to turn your phone off for your child’s entire waking hours. Nor must parents martyr out and feel deprived. It’s okay to check your voice mail and notifications from time to time. And it’s certainly okay to take time for yourself. It makes you a better parent.

Christakis says it best: “Parents should give themselves permission to back off from the suffocating pressure to be all things to all people. Put your kid in a playpen, already! Ditch that soccer-game appearance if you feel like it. Your kid will be fine. But when you are with your child, put down your damned phone.”

Because the stuff on your phone? It’s just virtual smoke and mirrors. While in the real world, nothing could be more important than those serve and return moments with your child.

5 Tips for Keeping Your Child Safe Around Dogs

Dogs can be wonderful companions for children. They are loyal, fun and provide unconditional love, so it’s not surprising many parents want their children to grow up with a family dog. Despite these attractions to the idea of a canine/child relationship, not every parent knows how to keep a child safe around dogs.

Children and dogs speak very different languages. The way a child shows affection may feel confrontational to a dog, which could cause the animal anxiety or stress. Children also find it hard to understand that a dog isn’t a cuddly toy and sometimes needs to be left alone.

Despite these issues with communication, most dogs tolerate human behavior. Bites are rare and almost never happen without warning. There are also plenty of things parents can do to reduce the chance of a bite, so here are five tips to keep your child safe around dogs.

Tip One: Teach Children How to Greet a Dog

There’s an expectation from some parents that all dogs should be friendly. This is transmitted to the child, who may not understand that strange dogs shouldn’t be approached. Keeping a child safe around dogs means teaching the child to approach the dog with caution.

As a dog owner, I’ve often had children run up to my pet at the park—sometimes screaming with delight—and pat him on the forehead. Their parents usually don’t ask permission or stop the child from approaching my dog, which is to them, an unknown dog. This is most definitely not the way to keep a child safe around dogs.

Despite the child’s good intentions, this sudden approach by a stranger can be a scary situation for a dog. Dogs don’t know what a strange child wants when the child approaches without warning. The dog often has no way to escape this unwanted attention. A dog’s attempts at communicating discomfort are usually missed or ignored.

little boy plays with dog in autumn park

Many dogs, including my own, are able to tolerate this sort of behavior. But some dogs may become defensive or even bite if they feel trapped, scared, or startled. For this reason, it’s important for all children to know how to politely greet a dog. This reduces the chance of a bite and teaches respect for dogs.

Here’s a simple four-step process you can use to teach your child how to greet a dog:

  1. Ask Permission: The first thing to teach a child is that he or she should never approach a strange dog without a parent’s permission. Similarly, the parent should always check with the owner before allowing a child near a dog. Never stroke (or allow a child to stroke) a dog if you can’t speak with the owner first—even if the dog is tied up in a public space.
  2. Proper Approach: Once the owner has given permission, show your child how to walk towards the dog with an outstretched arm and a closed fist. This protects the fingers and gives the dog a chance to communicate his feelings.
  3. The Dog’s Decision: The dog will sniff the child’s hand and either turn away or continue looking. If he turns away, he doesn’t want to continue with the interaction and you should leave him alone. This can be difficult for a child to understand, but it’s important to teach a child to respect a dog’s wishes. If the dog continues looking at the child or licks the child’s hand, the dog is giving his permission to be greeted.
  4. Stroking the Dog: Once the dog has signaled that he’s happy to continue making friends, the child can stroke him on the chest, shoulder or back. The child should avoid reaching over the dog’s head.
little girl offers dog food from her hand
Keep your child safe around dogs by teaching your child to seek permission to greet the dog.

Even if the dog has shown positive signals of accepting your child’s friendship, you and your child should watch for signs of discomfort. Signs of a dog’s discomfort might include moving away, yawning or licking lips. If you see any such signs, have your child move away. Doing so teaches your child how to read the dog’s body language, which is critical to keeping your child safe around dogs.

Tip Two: Dogs Don’t Like Hugs

With their fluffy coats and big round eyes, dogs can seem like the perfect cuddling companions. The sad truth, however, is that most dogs don’t like hugs. Hugging feels restrictive to canines and they often don’t see a hug as a sign of affection. This can be difficult for young children to understand, but it’s important children learn that a dog is not a teddy bear.

There are some exceptions to the hugging rule. I’ve known several dogs that actively seek hugs from their owners and even strangers. Dogs, like people, have individual likes and dislikes. The average dog, however, tends to shows signs of anxiety when hugged. The dog may make “Whale Eyes” or lick his lips. The child should look for these signs when hugging a dog and be honest with himself as to whether the dog is really enjoying the hug, or would rather have a back scratch. If the dog is not enjoying the hug, the child should stop hugging the dog, of course.

While most dogs don’t enjoy hugs, that doesn’t mean a dog will automatically become aggressive or bite when hugged. Family dogs, in fact, often tolerate hugs from children and adults. Even so, it’s not fair or kind to hug dogs  when it’s not in a dog’s nature to enjoy hugging. To hug a dog is to put him in a situation that makes him feel stressed and anxious.

Tip Three: Understand A Dog’s Discomfort Body Language

As a parent, the most important skill you can develop to keep your child safe around dogs is understanding the dog’s basic body language. This isn’t as hard as it sounds. Canine body language is surprisingly complex, but the signals for anxiety, stress or unhappiness are often easy to spot. The following signs tell you when a child’s play is becoming too rough and/or the dog should be left alone:

  • Repetitive yawning despite being well rested
  • Licking of lips when there’s no food in the area
  • Heavy panting
  • Turning the head away from the child
  • Giving “Whale Eye” by tilting the head away and showing the whites of the eyes
  • Moving or crawling away

These signals are the dog’s way of communicating he’s uncomfortable. If your child is the one causing the discomfort, it’s time to have your child give the dog some space. This is the smart way to keep your child safe around dogs.

There are, of course, other body language signals that dogs use to communicate feelings. In some situations, a dog will display the more obvious emotions of fear or aggression. Most people know that growling, teeth baring, and raised hackles are signs a dog shouldn’t be approached—especially by a child. In contrast, the classic “play bow” is a signal that a dog wants to play.

Such emotions are generally obvious even to humans who don’t understand canine body language. It’s the subtler signals of canine emotion that are often missed.

Tip Four: Supervise Children and Dogs at All Times

Dogs can make brilliant family pets. Many are patient, tolerant and loving around children, which is why the child/canine bond can quickly become so strong. Even so, parents should always supervise time spent between young children and dogs. Most dog bites happen when the parent or caregiver is nearby—and there are always warning signs that might have prevented the bite, if only someone had been paying attention. Except for the case in which there is a physical barrier between dog and child, for instance a sturdy fence, parents should actively supervise a child’s interaction with a dog.

“Active” supervision refers to parents watching the dog for signs of discomfort. The parent should be watching the dog without any outside distractions. No checking your phone screen, or watching television. You’re on watch. If the dog shows signs of anxiety or defensiveness—or if the play is becoming too boisterous—the parent should calmly step in and lead the child away.

Supervision isn’t only important when the child and dog are at play. Parents should always be on the watch for dangerous encounters between child and dog, such as, for instance, a child walking towards a sleeping dog. This can be hard work—always watching your child’s interactions with a dog—but active supervision is the best way to prevent a bite.

little girl huddles with dog on white rug

Tip Five: Show Your Child How to React to a Strange Dog

Just as I’ve seen children run up to dogs without first asking permission, I often see off-leash dogs approaching people with their owners nowhere in sight. This is often just a dog being playful, and wanting to meet new people. A boisterous dog can, however, be scary to a child. The child’s reaction can also sometimes make the dog mistakenly believe the child want to play.

To avoid misunderstandings, it’s important for frightened children to know how to react to a strange dog. The worst way for a frightened child to react to a dog is to run away screaming. Instead, the child should stand still with hands together and avoid making eye contact with the dog. The phrase “Be a Tree” is often used to describe this technique. A boisterous or playful dog usually becomes bored when someone behaves in this way. Once the dog loses interest, the child should calmly walk to an adult.

Admittedly, this is a lot to ask of a young child who is scared. But Be a Tree is a useful technique to teach children once they are able to understand how to behave around dogs. The Be a Tree technique also works well in the rare case in which a dog behaves aggressively towards a child.

Most dogs are brilliant companions and unlikely to bite. They should, however, always be treated with care, gentleness, and respect. For this reason, it’s important for children to know how to greet and interact with a dog. This helps keep the child safe while building a stronger bond between child and dog. Parents should also be able to identify common canine distress signals, so they can end an interaction before it becomes dangerous.

Do you have any questions about how to keep your child safe around dogs? Do you find it difficult to teach your child to behave politely around dogs? Please let me know in the comments and I’ll answer as soon as I can.

Top 10 Educational and Enriching Things to Do With Kids This Summer

School is out, or it will be within a few short weeks. Your children might be anticipating long, lazy days of watching Netflix and playing video games. You might be checking your calendar, not knowing what to do to get the kids off of their electronics and out doing something productive and fun. It can be hard to keep kids entertained all summer, which is why we’ve put together a list of the top 10 educational and enriching activities to inspire you and your children!

little girl enjoys summer library fun with books on head

#1 Go to the Library

Children often lose some of their reading skills over the summer, which sets them back when school starts up again in August or September. Visiting the library on a weekly or biweekly basis gives kids the chance to keep up their skills by reading books of their choosing. Encourage them to choose books that roughly correlate with their reading level, but don’t worry if they enjoy books that are easier to read. Any reading will help them stay on track.

daughter rides father's shoulders as they tour their toqn

#2 Explore Your Town

There are likely fun, educational places in your own city or town that you have never taken your children to. If you were going to host family members with children the same ages as your kids, where would you think about taking them? Play tourist in your own town and explore the nearby attractions.

mother daughter cooking lesson

#3 Teach Them to Cook

During the school year, it can be hectic to get meals made and on the table in time to get the kids off to soccer practice and leave time to get homework done. During the summer, however, you might have more time. Teach your children how to make your family favorites and explore some new recipes together, too.

#4 Learn How to Take Photographs

Do you ever see a beautiful bird, a stunning sunset, or even an interesting insect? All of these are worth pointing out to your kids. If you have a camera (or even a smartphone!), you can also teach them how to take good photographs. Take a photography class together if you’re interested in making it into a hobby; check in with your local community centers to see if this type of class is available.

children on parents' shoulders at concert

#5 Attend Music Events

Does your city or town sponsor free music gatherings on summer evenings? Many areas do; it might be held on a town green, near the city hall, or at a park. These types of events can consist of hired bands or simply members of the community getting together to play instruments, sing, and dance. These are great opportunities to introduce your children to music and to help them become part of the community. Pack a picnic dinner and encourage them to dance and enjoy the music.

animation of welcoming exchange student

 

#6 Host an Exchange Student

There are organizations that bring teenagers from other countries to the United States for a few weeks or a month during the summer to learn a bit about American culture and to practice their English. This is a great way to learn more about another culture while extending hospitality to another young person. If you enjoy the experience, you might even consider hosting a student who is here for the academic year!

mother daughter art lesson

#7 Make Time for Art

Letting kids do art projects can be messy and inconvenient, but it’s so important to let them express their creativity. Stock up on art supplies like paper, crayons, paint, colored pencils, glue, kid-size scissors, googly eyes, feathers, beads, and anything else you can think of. Use a plastic cover on your table or set the kids up in the backyard on a nice day, and let them experiment.

popcorn and family movie time

#8 Introduce Them to Old Movies

While you might be trying to minimize time spent in front of the television, watching old movies with a parent or grandparent can be a great way to spend time together indoors on a rainy day. Choose flicks you enjoyed as a child. One caveat: If it’s been decades since you have last seen a childhood favorite, check out the rating on a site like Common Sense Media. More than a few parents have been surprised by some of the content in movies they enjoyed as children.

family camping trip

#9 Go Summer Camping

“There is perhaps nothing that says childhood summer quite like camping,” says Angela Stringfellow, senior editor at Family Living Today. You can make it a week-long trip in an RV, find a camp that has air-conditioned cabins, or just pitch a tent in your backyard. Whatever type of camping appeals to you, be sure to roast marshmallows, catch fireflies, and sing around a campfire for memories that will last your child well into adulthood.

mother and two daughters volunteer at soup kitchen

#10 Volunteer Together

Making a difference in your community is a wonderful way to round out the summer and add some enrichment to your child’s life. Volunteering can include playing with kitties or puppies at the animal shelter, handing out groceries to food pantry patrons, or helping an elderly shut-in with chores around the house. Working together to serve the less fortunate will be a habit that your child can practice for a lifetime.

What are your best ideas for keeping kids busy, engaged, and learning this summer?

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